New York, NY—In a desperate bid to revive his car’s dead battery without resorting to conventional methods, software engineer Jen “MacGyver” Johnson attempted to harness the power of static electricity by rubbing her feet on the carpet and then touching the battery terminals.
“I figured if static can shock you when you touch a doorknob, it could probably jump-start my car,” said Johnson, who was last seen dragging her feet across his living room carpet, wearing wool socks and a hopeful expression. “I’ve seen this work in cartoons, so there’s no reason it shouldn’t work in real life, right?”
Johnson’s experiment quickly went awry when, upon touching the battery, she received a shock so intense it was rumored to have briefly sent her back in time. “It was like I was struck by lightning, only less dramatic and more confusing,” she recounted, still slightly dazed and sporting a newly acquired Einstein-like hairdo. “I don’t think I’ll be trying that again, unless I want to travel to the 80s.”
While Johnson’s car remained stubbornly unresponsive, her inventive approach did earn her a nomination for the Darwin Awards. “At least my heart’s running again, even if the car isn’t,” she said with a wry smile, nursing her singed fingers.
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